


clouds

by soulsjiwoo



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26372290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulsjiwoo/pseuds/soulsjiwoo
Summary: where chaewon cloud gazes and all she could remember is hyejoo.
Relationships: Kim Hyunjin/Park Chaewon | Go Won, Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	clouds

chaewon doesn't remember the last time she saw hyejoo.

or rather, when she last /saw/ hyejoo.

it's spring, now. the flowers by her backyard are blooming beautifully, littering her previously dull backyard with color that hyejoo loves. chaewon even made sure to include tulips— hyejoo's not a sucker for tulips, but she's always mentioned that their jiwoo unnie loves receiving tulips.

chaewon sits in a daze, then, she lays herself on a blanket she's set up to cloud gaze, back against the fabric, eyes up at the skies. 

it's a clear day, the clouds move slow, and chaewon's eyes follow. she's always liked the clouds, liked watching them with hyejoo as they hold hands while pointing out undistinguishable shapes that take form in those clouds. she liked hearing hyejoo's laugh when she points out a malicious shape, and chaewon could clearly remember the boisterous laughter that came out of the younger girl's mouth when her fingers pointed at a penis-shaped cloud.

good days.

the clouds change everyday.

so should chaewon.

she stifles a giggle when she sees a cloud shaped like a wolf, and imagines the way hyejoo's lips would curl into a smile at the sight. it's an inside joke, almost, hyejoo's always being referred to as a wolf, especially by their jinsol unnie who was already gone to work at singapore.

the day is quiet, and moving. the clouds slowly replace each other in the sky, and chaewon still lays in their old blanket, hand wrinkling the fabric beneath so she doesn't look for another hand to lace her fingers with. 

it's been so long since hyejoo came home.

chaewon sighs.

"hey," chaewon's eyes widened when a familiar face takes the empty space next to her, "watching the skies, again?"

for a moment, chaewon's heart races— because hyejoo is here. her lips pull into a smile she hasn't worn in years, until it doesn't.

because hyunjin isn't hyejoo.

hyunjin can't be hyejoo.

the resemblance is uncanny, though. sometimes, chaewon lets herself get lost in hyunjin's eyes as if they belonged to the one she used to love. she lets herself get drunk on an embrace she longed for, yet at the same time, despised.

hyunjin is so much like the hyejoo chaewon used to love. they're both quiet people, they liked their coffee the same way, two sugars and no cream. they wake up nearly at the same time each morning, entertain themselves with books stacked in chaewon's bookshelf, sing songs when making dinner.

if chaewon tries, she might even point out the way they laugh at almost the same things.

but she doesn't.

because they're too different.

because hyejoo's laugh is high pitched and loud, and she laughs until she's blinking tears, while hyunjin's laughter is controlled, short, and low. because the books hyejoo reads are not books, rather gaming magazines she used to buy weekly, stacking them up as chaewon uses it as a small table for her desk lamp, and hyunjin reads poem books, often reciting some when she greets chaewon goodmorning, then, goodnight.

they're different, because as much as hyunjin tries to be hyejoo— she can't. she's not good enough for video games, or not brave enough for chaewon's cooking ( because hyunjin is an excellent cook, she prefers standing next to the blonde and cooking with her. ), and her eyes doesn't look at the clouds with the same sparkle as hyejoo does.

but hyunjin is trying, chaewon knows, because the girl took the time to watch all seasons of adventure time once the blonde mentioned liking it one time. ( hyejoo loved adventure time, and so, naturally, chaewon follows. ) she plays a playlist from chaewon's favourite artist everyday, cooks chaewon french toasts she's always loved as a kid.

it could have been okay.

chaewon could keep pretending hyunjin is hyejoo.

but she can't, because everytime hyunjin takes her hand the feeling of lonliness eats up her heart. chaewon's hand is small, delicate, smooth, and hyejoo's hand is almost the same. their hands were always at the same length, and so, when chaewon takes hyejoo's hand they fit perfectly, like puzzles looking for missing pieces. they fit perfectly, that there are no gaps for lonliness and insecurity to fit in, perfectly, that chaewon could keep holding hyejoo's hand until they fall asleep.

hyunjin's hand is big, bigger than hyejoo's. her hands are rough and calloused from playing the guitar, and when she takes chaewon's hand, the gap settles, too. 

it's a big gap.

perhaps, it's just the mismatching sizes. 

but chaewon's fingers would hurt when she's holding hyunjin's hand for too long, because it's not used to another hand that isn't hyejoo's, because it doesn't fit.

it doesn't want to fit.

she sighs, then looks up at the skies once more, and hyunjin silently takes her hand. chaewon doesn't wince, she lets the other girl intertwine their fingers without a word, "that looks like a wolf," chaewon tugs on hyunjin's hand, then very carefully, points at a cloud that she's been staring at since earlier.

hyunjin snorts, "that's a cat,"

chaewon's lips part to let out a chuckle, and soon, she rests her head on hyunjin's chest, where she counts the other girl's heartbeats as they beat for her. the clouds keep passing by, chaewon keeps smiling at the same wolf cloud even if it goes out of shape. she watches every cloud until the skies clears up and she figures out that hyejoo must be tired of making clouds.

so, chaewon stands up, and silently guides hyunjin back to her house. 

because hyunjin still can't be hyejoo.

but then again, no one can ever be hyejoo.


End file.
